Table365 Asks: How Do You Feed Your Family?
Guest Interview with Jennifer Miller, M.Ed., Family and Educational Consultant, Social and Emotional Development Expert for NBC Universal Education Initiative Parent Tool Kit, and Author of Confident Parents Confident Kids blog.
We are excited to be changing things up a little this week with the first in a series of interviews, Table365 Asks: How Do You Feed Your Family? This series explores how other families think about food, meals, and how they get their families fed. We all have different factors to consider and different perspectives from which we approach feeding our families (resource constraints, picky eaters, varying stages of family life, health issues, etc…) so we are always learning and getting inspiration from others’ stories.
We begin the series by interviewing not only one of our dearest friends, but also a woman who continues to inspire us with her commitment and expertise in social and emotional learning. Jennifer Miller is a Family and Educational Consultant for educators and families. She authors the blog, Confident Parents Confident Kids, and guides readers on how to utilize social and emotional skills in daily family life.
We wanted to find out what meals are like at her house and what challenges she faces, but we also knew we’d get a glimpse of how she personally applies the knowledge gleaned from her professional life to meal times with her family. Jennifer and her husband make a very deliberate effort to make dinner a time of family communication and sharing with their six-year-old son.
What are your childhood memories of mealtimes?
My parents always felt like dinner was important. It has always been a part of me from childhood. Jason, my husband, values that as well. My mom always made a big deal out of dinner. Every meal had to be balanced, and she always paid attention to things like presentation. She cared about color and things like that. There always had to be a veggie and a protein. We always sat together in the dining room. It was one of our traditions. She cooked big, full-on meals. She was definitely an over-achiever.
What have you taken from those childhood experiences?
Eating dinner as a family, as much as possible, is a great thing. I also always make sure to have a vegetable on the plate!
What are your dinners like now?
We are definitely not as formal. It is much more casual. Jason and I discuss topics we want to talk about at dinner, as a family. We try to make it fun. We think about games and questions. We regularly do games at dinner, like “If so and so came to dinner, what would they say?” So, we might ask our son, “what if your teacher came to dinner? What do you think he would say?” And he will make up what he thinks his teacher would discuss, sometimes even doing it in a voice like Darth Vader.
Then Friday night is always pizza night (take-out pizza). We often do a pizza night game. It is our family fun night. We all look forward to it. We take the opportunity to try new pizza places, but since our son is picky we always make sure we can get the same thing for him.
We save adult conversation for when our son isn’t at the table. At dinnertime, I feel like it excludes him because he can’t participate. If we want to have that kind of conversation, on topics that would be appropriate, then we find ways to include him. If we have those kinds of conversations without him, then he squirms and acts up. Since we are in a circle at dinner, we make a conscious effort to include him. Consequently, I think it has made him good at having conversations with adults.
We’ve also made a conscious decision to involve him in the meal preparation process – whether it is adding pasta to the water, or asking him what vegetable he wants. He also sets the table. We each get our own drink; we each clear the table. Making him feel like an equal contributor to the meal is really important.
What are your greatest challenges for feeding your family?
Our son is picky, plus he has allergies. The greatest challenge has always been what proteins he will eat. We are expanding all the time though. I always give him what we eat in a small portion. It depends on his bravery that day if he’ll try it. If I continue to offer it to him, it eventually works. If we aren’t talking about the new item or putting attention on it, he will try it.
I always make sure there are components he is likely to eat, so I don’t make a special dish for him. I’ll make meals “kid-friendly” by separating components. If he won’t eat it, I make sure to have his favorite staples on hand.
I am not a good planner. I go by inspiration, so I cook like “this is what I feel like cooking,” “this is what I feel like eating.”
I am always amazed when I hear of other parents becoming short-order cooks to make sure each child gets something they will eat and like. I think in the short run it helps get kids fed, but in the long run it isn’t helpful. From a behavioral perspective—in our house—if we say, “you aren’t eating your food,” it doesn’t go well. If we can get him talking about different things, then he doesn’t focus on it.
You said you aren’t a planner. Give me an idea, on any given week, how you approach dinnertime.
I will think of 3 or 4 dishes for the week. I know I have pizza night ahead since we always do that on Friday nights. My husband usually works one night each week, so that is an easy kid meal focused on my son. And we eat out usually one night over the weekends, and have leftovers. If I am going to try a new recipe, Sunday is my day.
What is in your meal rotation?
I probably don’t cook the same exact meal in a three-week stretch, but variations on a theme. I am so motivated by inspiration. I vary according to season, to what I like at the grocery store. If I see something that inspires me at the grocery store, I’ll then look for a recipe that is easy with spices I already have. When it is just the three of us, I’ll often try a concoction I’ve thrown together without a specific recipe in mind. There are techniques I’ve learned over the years, so I just keep them in mind as I create my own dishes. It works really well with Mexican-inspired dishes that I just throw together.
In the summer I hardly ever turn on the oven. We either grill or I cook something on the stovetop. A summer favorite is something like salmon cakes or crab cakes that I pick up at our local market and can put over salad. So for my son, he’ll eat the components of the salad that I just set aside for him before mixing everything together.
What are the top 3 favorite meals you make?
1. Tacos. I use chicken or beef, sometimes fish, and I just throw on the spices we like. I make a quesadilla for our son with the same components.
2. Kabobs. Sometimes I’ll marinate ahead if I’m organized and make orzo pasta for a side dish.
3. Spaghetti. I use a good, jarred marinara, and I usually doctor the sauce with vegetables. Sometimes I’ll add sautéd ground turkey to make it into a meat sauce.
Any other challenges you have when it comes to feeding your family?
They are more psychological. Usually, my husband and I have both had long days. Meal preparation is usually left to me, including making an effort to include our son in that process. My husband does help with the grocery shopping though. We split that task. I plan out the list—usually one for staples that we buy at a bigger grocery store, and another list for produce and proteins that I get at our neighborhood market.
You are a regular reader of Table365, and we’ve loved your comments. How has Table365 influenced your family meals?
It has helped me think more about my planning, about how I plan. The prompts and system you provided helped me reflect on my family favorites and get more organized. I still go on inspiration, but am more organized about it…AND I end up making whatever you post each week. Your photos alone are so gorgeous that it gives me ideas and a desire to try it out.
It has also forced me to think about not being a short order cook for my family. Our son has always been a picky eater, so I had to come up with a plan of how to tackle his pickiness with food. I have the behavioral thing down, but the practical side of how to expose him can be more difficult for me.
I love that you write about recipes and ingredients that are seasonal. It really is weekly inspiration for me.
Thanks very much, Jennifer, for sharing how you Feed Your Family!
